It’s been a while since my last blog. Here we are at the mid-point of another year, and this one has been very busy for me. I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy, Bodhi… travelled with him and my husband to Bali… and with a lot of help from my support staff, certified 25 more amazing iflow Yoga instructors. I’ve been back in New Jersey for a month now and things haven’t slowed down one bit.
Bodhi is almost 6 months old and I feel like life is passing at warp speed. I just can’t get it ALL done. Most important is my precious time with Bodhi… but then there’s time with students, time preparing for iflow Yoga teacher trainings and retreats, marketing, time to shave my legs, time to do my own practice. Oh… and don’t forget about the husband! I just can’t do it ALL.
That’s what I found myself saying as I broke down over a pile of clothes I had freshly folded when my sweet Chihuahua jumped on the bed and I watched what had been a neat tower crash to the floor. This mommy meltdown ended up being an epiphany. I cried for a few minutes because we all know there’s nothing like a good cry. There’s a cleanse that occurs with a nice sob session that’s like no other. It’s a kind of surrender as you allow the floodgates to open.
I left the clothes on the floor and got Bodhi down for his nap. I was exhausted but rolled out my mat and settled into a 5 minute yin pigeon. I then realized how we often approach asana practice like it’s a “to do” item … we want to master a posture so we can check it off our list. Maybe take a yoga selfie and move on to the next thing. There’s a satisfaction that comes with being “done”. With each completion you give yourself permission to move on to the next thing… or make another list.
What happens when we can’t? What happens when we wake up and realize that we will never be done with yoga (or with anything)? There will always be a harder variation or a more challenging pose. There’s something lovely about that. To embrace the knowledge that life isn’t a “to do list” is to know what it really means to be living. This is the essence of yoga.
I have to let go of the idea of being done or finished. I will never be done; there will always be another thing on the list to do. There will always be setbacks and accidents, problems and roadblocks, things to iron out or things to clean up. This has always been my life but only recently have I come to fully appreciate this reality.
So that’s my yoga practice right now. Accepting that I just can’t do it ALL! I made it through 3 minutes on the other side in pigeon when a knock at the door woke up Bodhi and putting an abrupt end to my practice. It was different this time. I understood for the first time in my life what 24/7 means. We can only do the best we can in each moment. Because whether we accept it or deny it the truth is we can only live in the moment. We may want to live in the past or the future but that way of life is only an imaginary one. Through this practice may we be reminded that we can only do the best we can with the time we have, and sometimes that won’t be enough to complete whatever it is we are trying to achieve. By softening, letting go of the desire to “be done” we can find peace in the fact that sometimes giving our best effort is more satisfying than seeing a completed list of “to do’s”.